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Manhattan.  In my walk, mentally preoccupied with my argument with Walker, I absent- mindedly looked into the store front windows of Christmas offerings along the way.  I passed the window of a book store and within it there was a book with a cover very much like that of Be Here Now.  The book was titled Seed.  I went inside to find a copy and when I opened the book, there upon parchment- like paper with sepia ink I saw the words, “There are as many ways to God as there are souls of men, and, there is only one Way.”  I remember saying, “Far out!” and bought a copy for each of us as a Christmas present.  One more small step towards peace and harmony in the world and realizing true Friend Ship!

THE DEMISE OF MEADOW

Well, the album came out with good notices in the trade publications.  Several songs received air play but things were not perking as much as we had expected.  We then heard from an inside informant at Paramount that there was some behind-the-scenes sabotaging going on there that was creating this lack of progress.   We had been told things like Rolling Stone had called to interview us and was told by one of the A&R staff that we weren’t available but his band was.

Walker was furious when he heard this and brought me along with him to speak with this person.  To make a long story short, Walker (who unfortunately had a short fuse) verbally blasted this record company executive and then our publisher, George Pincus, who then threw in the towel on our association with him—and The Friend Ship came crashing down into a dying Meadow. 

BAND MEMBERS MOVE ON

I was understandably devastated, and soon after went into a state of monastic withdrawal for over a year.  Walker, Sharon, and I still remained friends and saw each other fairly regularly.  Bob Valdez, the excellent bass player I had met in my neighborhood (who was added to our group just before the album), understandably felt a bit like an outsider, though he and Laura became quite close at one point.  He was only involved for a few months during the album process and maybe played one gig with us near Laura’s home in Armonk.   I never heard from him after the demise of Meadow.  Laura and I remained friends, keeping in touch for a while thereafter.  She even passed on her little one- room apartment on 34th and 1st Avenue to me, which I kept for several years.  At that time she was interested in further pursuing a career in acting. I holed up in that newly inherited little efficiency with about the space of a small teepee and lived very simply there for many months—a timeless time of reading holy books, eating vegetarian food, meditating and writing songs.

TOUR OF "HAIR" 

Eventually I was called up to do a short tour of HAIR in the role of Claude, which was the role Walker had originated at the Public Theatre before its transfer to Broadway.  Because my friend Bo was directing, I also was able to recommend Laura for a featured role in this production, but she said that she did not want to travel outside New York City at that time. 

After the tour of HAIR, I did a couple months’ music gig with a drummer down in St. Croix, where I rekindled my love of the Caribbean.  When I returned to New York, I soon traveled across country to California to make some rounds in Los Angeles with the drummer friend I worked with in St. Croix, who lived out that way.  One of the people I met there and played for was Elliot Roberts, who happened to be holding the fort on his own, at Lookout Management, while his secretary was on break.  I talked him into giving me a listen and he kindly did so.  Afterwards, he said that he liked what I was doing, that I didn’t sound like anyone else, which was good, but that he was basically a one-man operation with his hands full with the artists he was already representing—Joni Mitchell and Neil Young.  He did say to stay in touch and that if he could possibly be of help with advice, he would be happy to do so.  

FIRST TOUR OF "JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR"

At that point, I was at the proverbial crossroads, wondering what would be the next path to take.   I was also looking into the possibility of returning to school and had visited the California Institute for the Arts School for Animation.  But this was not to be, and I soon received a call from Bo Golden (the director of the HAIR tour I had been briefly involved with.  He had played Berger in the Chicago company of HAIR.)  Bo offered me the role of Jesus in a tour of Jesus Christ Superstar.  Again, because of my friendship and past work with him, I was able to recommend Laura for the role of Mary Magdalene, but she still did not want to tour.

LAST MEETING WITH LAURA

Somewhere around this time, Laura and I had our last visit together when she invited me up to the new apartment further uptown that she was sharing with another lady.  I remember it being easy and sweet to spend some time with her again, just hanging out with kittens, listening to an album by a new artist she really liked—Barry Manilow–– and simply enjoying each other’s company.  She had listened to some of my new songs, like “Fool’s Play” (an early beginning to a project to be developed later into a feature- length animation film—another story!)  She seemed to like the direction I was going in as a songwriter.

"JESUS" MARRIES "MARY"

Shortly thereafter, I did the national tour of Jesus Christ Superstar (early photos of Lloyd Webber and Rice)and it was on that journey that I met the lady who would become my first wife—who happened to play Mary Magdalene to my role as Jesus! 

When I came off the road from this six month tour, I was booked to go with my future wife to St. Croix.  I wanted to share this place I so dearly loved with her.  She had continued on with another tour of Jesus Christ Superstar, which was ending, and we were to meet the next day to fly to St. Croix.  I was going to spend the night with my old friend Walker, who I learned was then separated from Sharon.  Their marriage had hit rocky circumstances and he was very torn up about it.  Meanwhile, I was over-the-moon in love with my future wife and could not relate to this broken space Walker was in.  

LEAVING NEW YORK TO GO TO ST. CROIX

He was several years older than me, further down the path of spiritual maturity than me, and someone I had looked up to.  I remember feeling concerned but (I am ashamed to admit this) somewhat impatient with his state of heartbreak and confusion.  He had asked me if I would stay with him to help him further develop his musical, Blueberries Are a Way of Life, but I was already moving on with my new life with my future wife. 

When I left Walker’s apartment the following morning, he asked me if I would loan him a fiver.  I gave him a twenty dollar bill that I had on me—along with a somewhat charged statement to the effect of hoping he would get his act together.  I then felt perfectly awful about that and got no farther than a block away when I felt led to go into the corner grocery store and buy a pear, which left me with a five dollar bill and some change.  I returned to Walker’s apartment, knocked on the door, and asked him for the twenty dollar bill back.  I then handed him the five dollar bill and said, “This is what you asked me for and you taught me that the number five stands for freedom, rebirth, and the giver of Life.”  I then took off the multicolored woolen scarf that I had acquired out on tour and put it around his neck.  He had admired it earlier and commented on how beautiful it was.  I said, “This is to bring you warmth.”  And then I handed him the pear I had bought and said, “And this is to remind you of what a pair we have been together.”  I told him how much I loved him like a brother, hugged him, and left feeling quite a bit better about things than my previous exit. 

My new lady and I reconnected later that day and flew to St. Croix, where we would spend the next couple of months singing in the nightclubs of Christiansted and enjoying the Caribbean paradise.  I remember one night seeing something stirring in the air like etheric ectoplasm, but the mind and what we think we see can play tricks on us.

WALKER'S DEATH

When I returned to New York, I called Walker in hopes of seeing him and possibly spending the night, but the phone number was no longer in service.  I went by the apartment building, but the mailbox no longer had his name.  I called Sharon to find out what was going on.  She asked, “Where are you?”  I told her that I was back from St. Croix and was calling her from a phone booth outside what had been their apartment. (Sharon had already moved out some time before I last stayed there with Walker.)  Sharon said, “I dreaded the day you would come back and I would have to tell you this news.  Walker is dead.  His body was found in the back alley of the apartment building: he had fallen from the top of the building.  It was investigated but said to be a suicide.”  I went completely to pieces.  Sharon invited me to come see her the next morning.

I spent that night in my little one- room efficiency on 34th that Laura had passed on to me. It was one of the saddest, most heartbroken and devastating nights I have ever spent.  I wrestled with the question “Why?” all night and still do to this day.  I did experience the thought of Walker saying to me, “Spirit does not die.  It was my time to move on.” I remembered back to the strange stirring I had seen in the night air of St. Croix.  But this thought was of little consolation to me.

The next morning I went to see Sharon and she brought me up to date with all the sad details, showed me Walker’s death certificate, and again I cried like a baby.   She told me that she had this vision of Walker being called on by Papa (which was one of Walker’s affectionate names for God, along with “Ralph-Meant-To-Be” or simply “Ralph.”  For instance, in the past when a mishap would happen like something accidentally dropping and breaking, Walker would say as he cleaned it up, “Ralph says get some exercise,” or “Ralph says sweep the floor.”  I know that may sound a bit strange to some, but it was an interesting intimacy of communication that he expressed with his relationship to God.)   

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